


everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

by orphan_account



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 10:21:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17640959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: But I know that time's gonna take meI know that day's gonna comeI just want the devil to hate me{or zoya and nikolai bang}





	everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

Zoya did not want. She was wanted. She did not bother herself with trivial things such as flowers and desperate attempts of affection. It wasn’t her way, it was distraction to a goal. Flowers couldn’t save you.

 

But Nikolai draped against the understated elegance of the oak headboard, running the thick wool blanket through his fingers made something twinge.

 

She wanted him. She wanted him in his splendor and in his lowest. It was all consuming, humming under her skin. She couldn’t lie to herself any longer. Not tonight-not now, the way his hazel eyes glinted in the candle light. Not when he looked at her like he saw every ugly scar and purpling bruise she hid.

 

She wanted Nikolai and tomorrow when he wed Ehri she would want him still. 

 

Zoya played with her cuffs, staying on the edge of his bed. There was no reason for her to follow him to his rooms, the demon slept deep. Chains nor the draft were needed now. But she couldn’t let him sleep-she couldn’t. She couldn’t.

 

There were so many couldn’ts that crowded Zoya’s mind. She had never listened to them, her anger, her impulse leading her down whichever road she needed at the time. But she was listening now. He wasn’t hers-would never be hers, was never hers.

 

She moved closer; Nikolai stayed still watching her like he already knew her movements. One hand pressed against the mattress, the other tilted his chin. Her dark hair curtained them as she kissed Nikolai.

 

It was a soft kiss, slow and gentle, barely a peck. Nikolai didn’t move. Zoya leaned away. She had misstepped— judged a distance and wanting that wasn’t there. Except it was, except he looked at her like he knew her, like no other man had before.

 

She played with her cuff. The silence in the room was overwhelming, smothering. Part of Zoya, the part that could admit when she had misjudged and could plan a retreat to save face wished she was out of Nikolai’s bedchambers. But the dragon dug her heels in, steeled her spine and waited.

 

“Your timing is shit,” Nikolai said when the moments blurred too long and even the dragon in her bones was beginning to doubt it. He scrubbed his left hand through his blonde hair, and Zoya was acutely accurate of the absence on a wedding band.

 

Maybe it was. Maybe if she had figured this out earlier, he wouldn’t be getting married tomorrow. Or maybe nothing would change. He was still the king, she was still Grisha. She wouldn’t delude herself in the idea that they would be accepted.

 

Zoya shrugged.

Nikolai moved slowly, his movements sure but deliberate, like she was an animal he was afraid to spook.  His hand curled around her wrist, his palm pressed against her cheek. His skin was warm, flushed like the wine they had at dinner was heating him.

 

“Tell me to stop,” Nikolai breathed. She could feel his body heat, his lips so close she could kiss him if she tilted her head. She looked at him through half lidded eyes.

 

“I will not.” She could not. She wanted Nikolai, wanted him to kiss her. She wasn’t used to wanting, didn’t like the way the warmth flooded her veins like a fever she couldn’t sweat out.

 

“Good.” Nikolai kissed her.

 

It was not like the kiss from before, that had been tender, sweet almost-ill-fitting to the two involved. This kiss was fierce, emotions pent up, begging for release as Nikolai licked the corner of her mouth. She opened easily, inhaling his scent, pushing herself forward until she was pressed against him. Nikolai’s hand tangled in her dark hair, and his arm tightened around her waist, like now that he had her in his arms, he wasn’t ever going to let her go.

 

Nikolai broke the kiss, pulling her hair gently to tilt her neck back. His lips traveled her throat, ghosting over her collar bone, until the fabric of her kefta covered the rest of his skin. Zoya didn’t help him remove it, she waited in his lap as, the hand holding her to him fumbled with the silver straps. Her kefta fell off her shoulders and pooled around her hips.

 

He stopped kissing her to look at her. Men had looked at her before, past lovers had looked at her, told her hushed things about her beauty. Nikolai looked at her like she was his benediction, kingdom come, and he knew she was there.

 

Zoya felt more naked than she was under his gaze.

 

She kissed him, pressing herself against him, moving herself so she was rubbing against the bulge in his pants. Nikolai cursed into her mouth and the solace in the moment disappeared into emotion and action.

 

Nikolai helped her remove his shirt and Zoya removed the distance between him. The hard panels of his chest as she threaded her arms around his neck and kissed him for all she was worth.

 

A slow, damp heat curled in the pit of her stomach. She needed more than rocking against him, more than kissing him, drowning in his scent. His hand was still in her hair, still angling the kiss to be deeper.

 

“I need-” Zoya gasped for breath when Nikolai left her lips bruised and wanting to her neck again, licking and biting his way down her throat to her collar bone to the valley between her breasts.  But the words were lost to the wind when he dipped his head and swirled his tongue around a peaked nipple.

 

Nikolai sucked on her nipple, massaging the other breast, teasing a cry low from Zoya’s throat. The heat in her stomach grew hotter, and Zoya spread her legs, hooking around Nikolai’s hips, rubbing herself against him, finding the angle that caused Zoya’s eyelids to flutter.

 

“Speechless?” Nikolai smirked, his voice low and smooth, like the best whiskey on the coldest night. “Why Zoya dear, if I knew it was this easy to make you speechless, I’d have done this years ago.”

 

Competition sparked in Zoya’s veins at the smug grin that fixed on his face. Zoya’s hand slipped between, creeping underneath Nikolai’s trousers and she held heavy in her hands. There was something deeper and darker in his eyes as she took him, stroking him slowly at first. Zoya wrapped her hands around his cock, feeling the ridges and the veins, as she found a rhythm that made Nikolai’s knees buckle. Her thumb ghosted his tip, feeling the dampness of his precum.

 

“Careful,” Nikolai warned, the edge in his voice spurring Zoya on. She removed her hand, sticking with the precum and brought it to her lips. He tasted salty, almost like any other man but she had never swallowed any of her lovers’ seed the rare time she took them in her mouth. Nikolai hissed, watching her movements.

 

Zoya smiled, pushed herself back onto her haunches and took Nikolai in her mouth.

 

“ _Saints_ ,” Nikolai hissed, his hand threading into her hair. He was big in her mouth, but she fit him, taking him whole. Her tongue traced the ridges as she sucked, finding the way that made Nikolai strain, his whole body tensed like he was trying not to lose control, thrusting into her mouth. Zoya ducked her head, bobbing around his length, her hands cupping his balls. Her teeth grazed him gently, just once or twice but that was enough to destroy Nikolai’s tightly wound self-control.

 

He thrust into her mouth, fast and hard, scraping against her teeth and hitting the back of her throat. Zoya stilled and took him deeper, running her tongue around his cock as Nikolai fucked her mouth.

 

“Zoya,” Nikolai warned through clenched teeth. “Zoya I’m-”

 

She sucked him deeper, taking the chivalry and using her teeth lightly again to take Nikolai over the edge. Hot seed hit her throat, salt that she swallowed down as Nikolai’s hips slowed. Lazy she let him out of her mouth. Zoya sat back wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, her smile sharp. She had never seen Nikolai so flustered.

 

But before she had time to say anything, Nikolai seized her waist, and drew her to her knees.

 

“Niko-” his name died on her lips as he kissed her though her tights. His open mouth kisses were exploratory and Zoya wiggled against his mouth, winding a hand around the headboard to stabilize as he kissed her slowly. Agonizingly slowly, Nikolai laid open mouthed kisses, but didn’t move her tights down.

 

“Nikolai,” Zoya growled. She could feel him smirk and he slipped one finger into her and slowly began to thrust. She tried to move, tried to take her tights down but Nikolai kept her still, kissing her slowly, adding a second finger at an agonizing speed.

 

She twisted, rocking against him, wishing he would peel her tights off. A whimper of frustration slipped from her lips and that seemed to spur him on.  Her tights ripped, and Nikolai’s wrist flicked faster as his fingers crooked into at a pace that had Zoya’s toes curl.

 

His hot breath on her cunt made Zoya strain as he kissed her, tasting her sweetly. It was entirely too sweet, and she ached for his tongue. Her hand knotted in his hair as she tried to guide him to her clit. Nikolai avoided it, kissing around the nerve, adding a third finger.

 

“Please,” she begged. Zoya never begged in bed. But Nikolai Lanstov had her begging for release. The heat in her stomach curling and clenching and she was almost there, almost seeing stars, but he was denying Zoya her orgasm. “Nikolai please-”

 

It was enough for his tongue to circle around her clit, gently and then rougher, as Nikolai sped up his fingers, adding the pressure on her clit. The heat in her stomach rippled, waves off pressure and pleasure started.

 

Zoya’s breathed hitched, her hand tightened on the headboard as she road Nikolai’s tongue chasing the stars and the storms. When Zoya came down from the stars, Nikolai’s hands were trace her hips and the scars on her back from the tiger.

 

Zoya settled between his legs, an emotion she didn’t know to name-she didn’t want to name settling comfortable between them. She curled her hand around his neck, interlacing her other hand with his left.

 

There was no ring yet. Nikolai had broken no vows. Tomorrow he would marry, and she would watch him secure their country. Tomorrow they would go back to King and General, to Grisha and _otkazat’sya_.

 

They just had tonight.


End file.
